Emotional Authority: Waiting For Clarity?

I've been put in the position where I can make a decision to let someone into my life.

This is very stressful. Since I'm defined in my Emotional Solar Plexus, and I'm in my 3rd year of radical commitment to following my Strategy & Authority (S&A), I'm actually going to wait this out.

This is harder than I first realized.

For me, it's not so much that I'm "waiting to be clear" about this; but that I'm waiting until there are less waves being set off every time I come close to this situation. Until the ripples in my emotions settle down to something far less turbulent.

At the same time, I feel pressured to make the decisions to talk to these people involved in this deal. I've asked for time and I notice they keep emailing me. The sensation of not being heard isn't helpful.

And if you notice, I have gate 29 in the Sacral (the red square), it's the gate of Saying Yes. My go to, is just to go with the flow and go ahead and say yes right now, and then take it slow. It's so tempting.

I have to remember that TIME IS MY FRIEND. It's hard to remember, I'm not only conditioned but part of my design is to just jump into things (gates 6.2 the Kamikaze and gate 36 that loves a charming crisis and runs head first into them).

I suppose one wave that gets triggered is that if I wait, then when I'm ready to reach out, the people won't still be there; that I'll be abandoned again.  Now that I even write out that sentence, it makes the situation feel more like something I can handle.  Like, that can't be true, they won't have left. Again. Right?

All right, back to Human Design Hawaii's video to the millionth time.

Fearless February

Today is February 2nd and this is when I'm beginning, in earnest, handstand training.

Last year was the first time since the 90's that I started doing handstands again.  With one of my favorite trainers, Honey Washington at Studio Rio's Twisted Fitness, I was able to do one the first time.  She's gymnastically trained and her biggest tip was to squeeze your arms close to your head when you try.  Also, we were in 6" stripper heels, which makes it easier. 

Seriously.

I suppose it tips your hips up at an angle when you bend over so it's easier to kick up.  Also, doing it against a pole rather that a wall, makes a vast difference.  Your legs need space to kick over and the pole hits your bottom, stabilizing you. 

But then, something happened, with another teacher and I ended up getting very hurt, landed on my head and neck, lost out of work and had to go to rehab.  So....since then I've been a bit shy of doing handstands.  Now, forearm stands or doing the Iguana, I'm totally fine with.

I'm currently following Aerial Amy's Fearless February Guide and want to keep track of the links and what's been working for me.  This is where I've started:

Wrist Strengthening: Chris Salvato's Blog and training videos
Wrist Strengthening: FitQueenIrene's video
Wrist/Core Strengthening: Gold Medal Body's Plank Exercise

So, this is where I began today and I do feel it in my wrists, hands, and forearms.

Snow Day

Happy Human Design New Year!

It's a snow day here on the island off the Eastern Shore and my internet was down, so no work!  And I work from home!  Hell yeah!

However.

I'm sitting in my bedroom reading, when I hear a knock at the door.  I go answer it.

Me opening the door

Guy at the door:  Can I come in?

Me: NO.  Slams door and locks it.

WTF?!?!

In my head I start in with a description of everything I saw, 20 something white guy, about 5' 7", medium build, short brown hair, black letterman coat with a hoodie on underneath.  And I immediately call my husband.  With every intention of calling the cops after I talk to him.

Last month there were 2 home invasions, like just 3 weeks ago, there was an armed home invasion with the tenants present and then a robbery without the tenants home.

My adrenaline was running and it was really soothing to hear BoB's voice saying he was still in the parking lot.  We rarely get snow, so he took longer than normal getting his truck ready and only circled the block before heading back.

I got to hear BoB confront the guy, who was still outside.

BoB:  Hey, you want to come inside my house?!

Guy:  subdued mumbling

BoB:  Okay.  You need to introduce yourself first.

Apparently, this guy is one of my neighbors whom I've never met.  And when I thought about, I kind of met him last year.  There was a young guy leering at me in the parking lot last summer that just came up to me and told me, "Hey, you should come to my house, I live on the end."  Again, no introduction, just creepiness.  I mean, there are 6 apartment row houses, like, which end stranger I-just-met-in-the-parking-lot?  (I just got in my car and drove off without saying anything to him)

Here he is again, just wanting to be let into my house?  Is it Aspergers?  Is it entitled white male privilege?  Is it watching too much internet porn?  Is it a head injury?  How does one not understand basic human interactions all the way into your 20's?

Turns out, what he told my husband is...he wanted me to give him a ride to work???  A person I've never met.  Seems like bullshit to me.  First off, his apartment is right in front of where my husband parks his car.  So, he watched my husband brush snow off his car and drive away, before deciding he'd come over to my apartment?  When this guy is friends with other people in this apartment complex? "People" by which I mean "males" that he could have easily asked for a ride to work from.

Felt really good to slam the door in his face this morning.  But, I'm uneasy with a neighbor like this.

Thanksgivingakkah

Everything I made this year, trying to scale back on dishes.  In past I've made 17 dishes.  Let's count how many I did this time:

Broccoli Casserole (did organic and fresh broccoli and gluten free natural mushroom soup)

Spinach Balls (this is fancy stuffing, made into balls, and gluten free this year)

Butternut Squash Custard (this is done by heart, peel and boil squash for 20 min, then I add 2 eggs to thicken, some cream, nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, ginger, sugar (or not) and bake)

Mashed Potatoes and Vegetarian Gravy (nutritional yeast)

Pumpkin Pie (made two types, one without sugar-but using sweetened condensed milk & one with brown sugar and 1/2 cup milk that turned into more of a custard than a pie)

Pumpkin Custard (this was made using fresh organic pumpkin by puree'ing a week before T-Day, too bad they were sold out the weekend before Thanksgiving, so I couldn't make the pies with them & it was made as a gluten free alternative)

Pumpkin Truffles (add parafin to the vanilla coating, and pour  "fudge" into a shallow dish in the FREEZER for 3 hours)

Frozen Cranberry Squares (This recipe worked as written, I recommend using pineapple chunks not shredded)

Artichoke Heart Spinach Dip (artichoke hearts, frozen spinach, mayo, salt, pepper, and Tabasco *very important even if you don't like spice, add for flavor)

Deviled Eggs (super important that the eggs be bought a week beforehand so they peel well)

Fried Apples (now I say "fried" but I've been baking these since summer, so this time I put in a cast iron pan with water and sugar and cinnamon with the lid on for 10 min, then just waited 'til soft, and I sliced the apples thin, instead of chunks)

Pillsbury Bleu Cheese Pinwheels ( I like these and no one else eats them, I think people are scared of bleu cheese... pussies.  Anyway, crescent rolls and fill with 3 cheese and slice and bake)

Banana Cream Pie (for this I made using heavy cream and hand whipping since BoB thought they were too sweet before....very little sugar was put in this, only what was in the vanilla pudding mix)

Brownies (just for BoB because he's a vegetarian but doesn't like vegetables)

Okay, so 14.  My goal was to get it under 10....but 4 were made just while we were cooking and we didn't bring to the dinner, so we didn't eat the dinner before it was brought.

(to relate to Human Design, MY 6 and 36 Emotional Solar Plexus is both my Personality Sun/Earth and Personality North/South Nodes in the 2nd and 5th lines.  I have hunger sluts)

Gate 6 Emotional Solar Plexus

Gate 6: THE GATE OF FRICTION

This is the most complex gate of the Solar Plexus and the most difficult in terms of finding the awareness within the wave. Not only is it a powerful motor with the energy for producing life itself but it also contains the awareness possibilities of all three Streams of Emotional awareness; Feeling, Emoting, and Sensitivity.

Where the 50th gate is the awareness of our Personal Defense Reflex, Conflict is our evolved Genetic Defense Reflex. There is no survival for Humanity unless it continues to reproduce. From the perspective of our genes, this is our only purpose, to maintain and continue the genetic pool.  Gate 6 is where the energy originates for the emotions of the Emotional Solar Plexus Center  (this is reflected on the other side of the Defense Tribal Circuit in Gate 50, where Gate 50 is where the awareness originates for the Splenic Center).

In our biology, the 6th gate is associated with our PH balance. It is PH that keeps our outside/outside and our inside/inside. It establishes the boundary of the body. Throughout most of our history, this has been a mechanical process.

The possibility of awareness in this gate could transform the nature of all of Humanities intimacy. Who is in and who is out, who can penetrate or be penetrated is the work of this gate. However, as an energy, and this is its general state, it always confines intimacy to a hope and pain cycle.

6 The peacemaker 27° 18' 45" - 28° 15' 00"
5 Arbitration 26° 22' 30" - 27° 18' 45"
4 Triumph 25° 26' 15" - 26° 22' 30"
3 Allegiance 24° 30' 00" - 25° 26' 15"
2 The guerilla 23° 33' 45" - 24° 30' 00"
1 Retreat 22° 37' 30" - 23° 33' 45"


THE FUNDAMENTAL DESIGN COMPONENT OF PROGRESS. THE LAW THAT GROWTH CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT FRICTION.
 

The Lines: 

6. The peacemaker 
Sympathy/Apathy
The discipline and integrity of a superior force to unilaterally cease conflict to permit surrender and survival of its foe.

The highest form of reason is that life is sacred. The emotional power to end conflict tempered by feelings and sensitivity to others.

The peacemaker whose actions are just but whose terms are unacceptable. The emotional power to end conflict but only after one's conditions have been satisfied.

5. Arbitration
Seducer/Seduced
The faith derived from analytical diligence and emotional control that permits a higher authority to judge a conflict.

Harmony furthered through the avoidance of direct conflict. Sensitivity to conflict can lead to the avoidance of intimacy.

Where a party to arbitration sees itself as the best possible judge and will only accept judgement if it is the victor. Insensitivity to the concerns of others in a conflict.

4. Triumph
Confident or Not, Brotherhood/Sisterhood, Kindness/Meanness
A position on natural and unchallengeable power.

The charity and wisdom that must come with victory and the movement towards new horizons.. The power of emotions to dominate a relationship.

The conqueror and purger. The lack of emotional control that is destructive in relationships.

3. Allegiance
Bonds Made/Broken, Allegiance/Rejection
The ability to secure support and create strength out of a weak position. When connected to the harmonic Gate 59, mating that results in conception.

The destruction of old forms through union; either mundane, as above, sexual union, or exalted as universalization. The depth of feelings that can enrich union and intimacy.

The rejection of allegiance as submission to established order. Sensitivity to controls which may eventually reject intimacy.

2. The guerilla 
Shyness/Boldness
The ability to maximize an inferior position through timely contact and withdrawal.

Aesthetic sensitivity and mental detail can find the weakest point. The sensitivity to find the weakest point in a conflict and to exploit it emotionally.

The kamikaze, striking but moot. A lack of sensitivity that blunders into conflicts.

1.Retreat
Weakness/Strength, Pursuer/Pursued
The realization that wasting one's resources against overwhelming odds is not courage but folly.

The power of regeneration that can embrace retreat as a phase and not a failure. The emotional stability to accept conflict.

The inferiority complex, where retreat is experienced as personal weakness. Emotional instability in times of conflict.

"We have a false prophecy about the nature of love. We assume that we generate love in the world by loving each other. This is a funny thing because this has nothing to do with what this love is all about. It has nothing to do with loving your guru, friend or your dog. It has to be with being one with the creative process, accepting surrender for what it is to be you and seeing in that surrender your own beauty. 

 

Only when you find surrender in your own beauty do you put love in the aura of the world. There is no other way, no matter how sweet and nice you are and how much love you have within yourself and how much love you want to put out in the world. It is not going to change the aura of our planet. 

 

What changes the aura of our planet is human beings living their nature. That is the crux of what our work is, so that human beings can just live out their nature without the morality, without the conditioning; to see clearly what it is just to be themselves. That creates love in the world ......... ."

*Ra Uru Hu ......... from 'The Line Companion'

Rave ABC's 2013: Week 1

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